Time In: September 28th, 2014 7:54am.
Updated: November 19th, 2014 8:56 pm
You know, somewhere, sometime in my day dreams….
I have tried to be that kind of woman that just waltz through life uninhibited, watch things happen, offer a few criticisms here and there, maybe offer some solutions to issues of public importance and never follow through, because in the end it really doesn’t matter….I have tried to be that kind of chic that just moves with the flow, move with the everyone is doing it syndrome. The fads, the slangs, the cliches. I have tried to be that kind of woman that has a personality that fluctuates with societal opinions, do what is in vogue, rock and roll with what’s trending.
Has it ever happened to you? You try to be belong but it just isn’t you and you are like “Am I normal?”
That is not just me and however I try to fit into that ‘image’, it cannot work.
I just wasn’t born to be that.
“Its outdated and is meant for small girls”
“Grow up and lose this thing, there is nothing there!”
“It is my body and I can do as I please”
“Everyone is doing it”
“You mean you still are at this age, don’ t say it outside, just blend in and move with the flow”
“Please don’t get all Christian on me”
“Dee what are you trying to prove now?”
“Dee please don’t write about this, you know people are wicked, just keep quiet and just hide your head, just move with the flow and observe things”
“Dee this is a sensitive issue,I know you love God but just leave this issue as it is”
I have come to understand that many people have had their reservations held too long on matters that matter forgetting that our lives begin to end the day we stay silent about things that matters. I have asked myself time and time again..why don’t they talk about it ?
Why should it be a taboo to talk about it?
Why should I ‘feel’ ‘bad’ ‘carnal’ because I want to talk about it?
Why should I get snide looks and critical responses from people just because I dare to talk about it?
Why in God’s name can’t I talk about being chaste? Why?
Why is it a taboo to say I am chaste?
Why in God’s name am I expected to shrink and cower because am chaste?
What makes chastity a sensitive issue that nobody should talk about?
Why can’t the subject of chastity be treated publicly?
Why should we hush and shush whenever the issue is brought up? Last I checked evil/wrong thrives in secrecy.
Why should something so pure be demeaned and relegated to such. Why?
Tons of question brimming in my mind and the answer I hear is the same..the society.
The society we live in doesn’t support a public show of purity. My question s why?.
I need you to picture this with me for a minute:
A girl brought up in a home where sex isn’t an issue up for discussion, nobody talks about it, this girl leaves home for university, a part of her longs for information, what is it about sex that shouldn’t be talked about? She watches her friends giggle and gloat about how they ‘had’ it the day before and how sweet it was..what is it they had..she asks? she is confused.. a part of her longs to have it to..maybe if she had it too her friends will accept her and then she too can rock and roll with what’s hot and trendy. Off she goes in search of answers..what is sex? can I have it now? she searches and searches for answers but nobody is willing to talk.. “its a taboo”..that what everyone says.
She takes matters into her own hands and tries to get the answer from other sources. She surfs the web and she is introduced to sites where sex is an issue open for discussion. She gets excited, really excited. At last she has answers. So she begins to devour article upon article, she sees pictures, even videos, soon she realizes that this ‘sex thing’ no one is willing to talk about is not a ‘big deal’ after all. The last article she read still resonates in her brain no one is talking about it but they are all doing it..everyone is doing it, that’s the in thing.’
Are we getting this picture?
Maybe, just maybe, if we all stop cowering in shame and really put up an unashamed and unapologetic stance, then maybe we all can be a great cloud of witnesses to the average 13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25….year old youth out there who is being pressured to have sex because ‘everyone is doing it’. Maybe we can be a cloud of great witness to the average youth out there who just want answers.Maybe if these people had someone to look up to, someone who isn’t shy or refuses to be bluffed into silence, they’d get encouraged and then become a light for others too to look up to.
This is more than a routine diary entry..this is more than ‘just an everyday article’,this is a call for change. Change for the average youth out there who is struggling with being celibate and staying sane in a society where everyone feels being chaste is for small girls. It’s there on the Nollywood and Hollywood movies, the music channels, the magazines, the blogs…they all make it seem cool and right to have sex outside of marriage.They make being celibate seem uncool and almost like a plague. I mean this is a great mystery, one I am still trying to get a hang of and unravel but just before then, I would like to turn the flashlight away from me and turn it on someone out there who is just looking for someone to look up to.
I am turning the flashlight on that girl that needs an example..that girl that just needs to hear a voice that sex is cool when it is done within the confines of marriage but until then, she must learn to wait and love it. She must love being chaste and never apologize for this decision. That chastity is cool and being chaste doesn’t equal being stupid or small.
It is important to note that this isn’t a condemnation spree. I am not trying to condemn anyone or make that person that isn’t chaste feel bad. Absolutely not. There is absolutely no joy in having strengths that demean people or make them feel inferior. This is about changing the narrative and refusing the culture of silence & secrecy as it pertains to chastity.
It’s time to change the narrative, will you join me?
God bless Dee, God bless you, God bless us all.