Chastity Confessions of a Married FAB Woman

Eziaha Bolaji-Olojo

So my dear Dee asked me to do this and even though I’ll rather be lying down resting this huge belly of mine upstairs, I have been given the onerous and rather boring task of sitting in front of the TV until DSTV reactivates our account fully. So,I recalled this pending post for Dee and decided I might as well start work on it and because I know it is such a huge gnawing question for most singles and especially those in University.

Such an engaging and interesting topic. We young people are just absolutely enthralled by it. Sadly, too much WRONG information out there, it is pathetic. Just this afternoon, I unfollowed a joker on twitter who tweeted something about “casual sex just to try her out first” or something as stupid as that. I had to ask myself how I even followed that comedian before.

Before I go on, I’ll like to say that:
⦁ I am married and have been for 14 months plus
⦁ I married a virgin
⦁ Hubby married as a virgin too
⦁ We dated for 5 and half years
⦁ Yup, we stayed celibate.
⦁ We managed to discover sex out (surprise surprise lol)

This SEX journey is an ongoing one being that we are still getting better at it.

That said honey, forget all the story you hear about how you need to ‘test drive yourselves before marriage, so you don’t enter ‘one chance’. I mean, one needs to know what’s in the package one is about to buy abi?
You need to be sure that you both would be sexually compatible.


Yes SEX is VERY important in MARRIAGE but what most persons don’t know is that SEX is NOT rocket science. Nobody was born with a perfect knowledge of how to ‘do’. You have to LEARN it. Moreover, you learn it with the one with whom you have covenanted before God. Meaning your hubby or wife. Not just any joker. Trust me, it is not rocket science, you both work at it, try out as much as possible and keep getting better and better.

There are Christian books and resources that can help. You can talk to counsellors and get help where needed and where there is a medical challenge, between prayers and medical doctors, trust me, it can be overcome. Just get help you need if you do need it from the right source.

You certainly don’t need to compare your partner with anyone else. Nope you aren’t. You are not supposed to have had sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry only for you to finally marry this person and every time you are in bed, you are busy comparing with your past/ex/fling/ one thing stand/ e.t.c.

Sweetie, sex is not a casual thing too. It is not physical. It is a spiritual something ooo. I wonder why anyone would want to engage in what the world erroneously calls ‘casual sex’.

Being born again, I am not sharing my opinion but the word, so we may go to the Bible now.
1cor 6:16-20
There’s more to sex than mere skin to skin.
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.As written in scripture “The two become one”.Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever-the kind of sex that can never “become one”.There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others.In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love for “becoming one” with another.Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for?The physically part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you.God owns the whole works.So let people see God in and through your body.

Go back and read that again

Skin on skin??? Hell NO!!! You have become ONE in a way you shouldn’t when you have sex with just anybody. All the spirits that the person carries is transferred to you and nope even a condom can’t stop that. Condoms can’t protect you from the spiritual implications of ‘casual deadly sex’ so don’t ever deceive your sweet self. Make the right godly choice for a life partner and be sure with whom are sharing this priceless gift of sex with.Especially ladies.

Trust me ladies, it is worth the wait.

God is NOT wicked ooo. He won’t see you want to live right for Him, stay chaste and then let you have a marriage filled with sexual frustration. No He won’t. The Holy Spirit is a teacher and he will teach you even that. Who taught Adam and Eve? And like I already said, you can get help too if need be. Don’t be afraid to. That is when the time is right. Don’t even bother your head as a single too much. It will all turn out well. Trust me.

Also, losing your virginity does not have to be as painful as the world says. All you need do is RELAX so your muscles down there also relaxes and all goes well, nice and easy. Plus, there are lubricants that can help with that. E.g KY jelly. I’ve also heard you need to break your hymen yourself and all that crap. Heck No. RELAX and all will go well. And even if there is pain, it won’t last forever.

So ladies especially, and MEN too, keep your chastity. It is such a special gift you wanna share with a real special person and not a comedian!!! And don’t feel like everyone is doing it. Nope, not everyone is. Most of my friends are or married as virgins. Moreover, it is soooo easy to ‘open your legs’ the hard thing is to abstain. So we who abstain should be the REAL proud ones.

I also like to add that this is no message of condemnation. If you have made mistakes, you can stop and repent. The Bible says if any man/woman be in christ,(s)he is a new creature. Old things have passed away and all things have become new. So don’t beat yourself up hunnay, ask for, receive forgiveness and puh-leeese start living right,OK?
And hey, if you need someone to talk to? Holler at me.
My email address is
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Be sure to visit my blog. I have tons of articles about my FAB life from single lady to wife and soon to be mom.