January 7th, 8:44pm.
Growing up in a society where those doing the right things are living in obscurity and those doing the wrong things are in the limelight…I was brainwashed at an early age that the only way to gain prominence in life was to be like ‘them’. The Nollywood and Hollywood movies reinforced this. I mean I’d see the super stars looking super cool, super fly, all pretty and dolled up in their designer wears baring their saccharine smiles to the starved perusal of the flashing lights of red carpet cameras which in part serves to mollify the hitherto hunger of the men handling them.
They were driving the coolest cars, living in the nicest houses…their lives were perfect. I don’t know about you but I had a couple of them I looked up to..you know as per “I want be like her when I grow up and stuff”. Really cool stuff back then except that I started to grow up and so did my brain and ditto my mind…So at 19, I just began to understand that there is more to life than glitz, glamour, pomp, pageantry and the the stereotyped expectations of the average Nigerian which entails going to school, getting a job, getting married, raising kids and grandkids and then kicking the basin. The hunger started so small almost infinitesimal I could have shrugged it away and go on living life like any other average teenager except that I wasn’t a teenager no more and of course, certainly not average.
All the teenage exuberance had begun to wane especially as it dawned on me that I had left that phase some two years back and was fast making my debut as a woman to the world.
That realization put into perspective a lot of things for me because what I actually thought mattered was fast fading into oblivion and what started as just a mere speck of light in my mind soon began to escalate and the only thing resonating in my spirit was change.
I knew something was right… I mean really really right that at first it felt awkward ..I started hearing stuff like “you are weird!” a testament to the fact that there really was something brewing; something more to this babe, something more to my life or at least what I thought was my life. My mind had started giving way, refusing to think in the same pattern it had been trained to so it was utterly unusual and downright weird to others..when I’d unashamedly and bluntly say I’m a virgin so?
I mean, I had come to terms with the fact that i’m not allowed to have sex till am married which is totally cool by the way; but inability to talk about it just because it is a sensitive issue is the height. I’m yet to understand the so called ‘sensitivity’ about virginity that makes people shrink and cower anytime the issue is brought up. I am supposed to cower, and feel low and ashamed? seriously? And what’s even worse am not allowed to talk about it..l’m supposed to keep quiet and pretend it doesn’t exist and while at it endure snide looks and critical responses for even daring to aspire to talk about it because ‘the society’ thinks it’s a taboo or something we should shy away from.
Once upon a time sex wasn’t an issue up for discussion, right now we’ve got people educating others out there on sex, I mean..ladies are encouraged to read about the topic from healthy sources.. I recall a friend was telling me the other day her mentor asked her to go look for other sex styles other than the ‘one way’ exercise/routine our mothers were used to. I am sure 20 years back most people wouldn’t have envisioned a positive portrayal of sex going viral but voila! sex is something an average youth can talk about freely now ; the same way being chaste will be an issue up for discussion once we get past the initial hassles of educating people who still believe that saying you are chaste equals getting raped or something evil happening to you.
I really do respect people who’d prefer not to talk about their chastity because of privacy or because ‘they just don’t see the need to’ but this article is for those who do not want to because of fear. There is nothing to be afraid of. No one is saying you should carry placards and blare it out from the speakers that your hymen is intact. Not at all. The message is, being chaste is cool, you can share your chastity journey to encourage others and don’t let anyone make you apologize for choosing to stay chaste.
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