American citizen kwa?
The way it speaks independent of my will marvels me at times. Or maybe not, maybe not so independent of my will, My mind I mean. Naaah, you could never have guessed that. I had to let you in on that info cos you’d be needing it to understand this story.
An account of the climax of an incident that happened some 19 days ago
Buh in order to do this, i’d need to save you the stress of been regaled to lines and lines of words adorned with so much events of incidents you can already infer from the finite verb in the title ‘love’(tautology intended).
I’d start this story by stating the end from the beginning. You see, a part of me knew right from the beginning that it was a very possible reality for ‘too good to be true’ to be real. I also knew this story had a message laden in it. To assuage my curiosity though, I decided to weigh the options.
His credentials had the following qualifications:
Leader in church.
Uni in Nigeria; masters in Liverpool.
Top official at the highest paying oil company in Nigeria.
A house in Lekki.
Another in yankee.
Heir to a tosh load of wealth by wealthy parents.
Tall, dark and handsome.
Overwhelming intellectual faculty.
And now, I just heard, he is also an American citizen.
All this in one man?
In this generation?
And he ain’t a demon?
For the umpteenth time today i’m like can a girl get it this good?
I wasn’t about to go all pessimistic on pops neither was I gonna avail my mind the opportunity of suggesting thoughts like “something wasn’t right”
But then again is it right for everything to be this right? Or am I just been paranoid? Is this environment limiting my ‘choices’??
Was it right for the babe to meet a ‘ready made dude’ just like that?
Nope, You ain’t permitted to roll your eyes at me and go
so you mean you don’t know? Where have you been? Under the sea? Welcome to earth
It’s a story and I need you to see this story through my eyes.
The reality of a consistent blatant confession was staring me in the face and I just needed guts to believe it. Maybe it’s because it negated knowledge stored up from ages.
I mean, whatever happened to those teachings we got in church as teenagers where our pastors had told us time and time again that the one might not look like it infact most times he didn’t look like it. So the ‘the one’ we always expected was that dude, wait a minute, dude ?
‘guy’, yea guy is better; or maybe brother yeaaaaa, brother. Brother sounds holier.
*Adjusts rump on the rug*
That ‘brother’ that had a tie looking like a skipping rope tied around his neck and his shoes looked like a boat and his shirt would exude so much confidence due to excessive starch; and the face? Lord! His face?
We were Christian sisters and we weren’t permitted to drool on his face, after all we aren’t supposed to be carnal minded. And so even if his face looked like that of a bleached gorilla, or a tanned hippopotamus we were to join the bandwagon of sisters and just humbly accept our ‘lot’ because at the end of the day it wasn’t the outward appearance that mattered it was the inward qualities.
Even as a teenager, I had always done the god forbid thingy three times to dispel the possibility of such happening.
“You and who is having the hots for a ugly dude”
We were also supposed to look beyond the terrible body odor and jes smell the ‘channel perfume’ in his future. It also didn’t matter if he had teeth that looked like a match stick and dentition that looked like a slashed sugar cane plantation and mustache so full we could hunt for ‘okete’s’ in it. All we needed to see was the future; the perfect dentition in his future ditto, the shaped to perfection ‘teddy’
His major qualification was that he was christian and he could teach us the word. Se fini, every other thing is secondary.
An American citizen was from the pit of hell, sent to lure us into destruction.
And even if heaven smiled at us and luckily gave us an ‘American citizen’ as an uncle, we weren’t supposed to drool.
*with a really straight face*
How dare you have the hots for an American citizen
You had to be a ‘carnal’ person to even aspire to drool.
Heavens forbid the guy also had finesse and swag, you would need to be delivered three times.
‘The one’ must be sober, sober and vigilant. No smile, no swag , nothing.. the fact that he was ‘the one’ was enough compensation.
Come to think of it ‘American citizen’ also had a car o, the dude also had a Lexus jeep, a clean one at that. That kinda ‘clean’ that starts with a ‘k’, you get what i’m saying.
His resume? Babe, his resume had other noteworthy qualities – responsible, mature,sanguine choleric, spontaneous, teachable and all this at twenty-eight.
*faints, wakes up, flips weave left, flip weave right and then continues*
Can a girl get it this good?
Or better still is it right to get it this good?
Funny how recently pops was telling me i’d be surprised if I knew what was possible only to those who could believe.
I got the gist then, but you know how it is when it’s about ‘love’ things are just always blurred and you know a part of me is like
Does this promise extends to picking a guy.
You have what you say if you believe
Like seriously, does it extend to that aspect of my life??
Maybe I need a brainwash , or maybe not.
For me this is an epiphany that just reinforced what pops had been trying to teach me for a while.
Experiences are not law.
I need to renew my mind and while at it train it to get accustomed to living a life that’s worthy of royalty. Humility is not mediocrity and there’s no point throwing the humble with pops.
Be it according to your faith is a principle that works.
And Just because most people’s ‘the one’ which be-d unto them according to their faith didn’t look like ‘it‘ doesn’t mean mine has to not look like it to be it.
“You can have what you say if you’ll just believe.”
“Tani ‘the one’? “
Images, almost a decade old of ‘omorogun’ in my mums hand flash before my face. I knew what that menacing face was saying
‘The one’ at your age?
Same thing, I told my mind when it decided to run ahead of me to conjure all this.
That was a shallow attempt at lieing, and this is not to justify it buh hey, this mind is almost always on fast forward; dragging it back to my body and telling it i’m in charge is a full time job.
*sighs and wipes brow*
All this kwanta (kwanta to mean fuss) on top ‘the one’ started yesterday o. I’d decided to relieve memories from the day before.
The scene from three days ago- I had waded gingerly down the stairs clad in a purple tank top and hips girdled with a black pant trousers; I still had my dreads on and I remember vividly they were sheathed carefully under the pink Marley cap.
And the occasion?
I had to get introduced to the ‘American citizen’. The object of my friends fantasies. Only, he was real and he had driven all the way from Lagos to come see her.
I had to meet the dude that shattered knowledge of almost a decade in an instant and swept other recalcitrant thoughts into oblivion.
You have what you say not the opinions of others.
The proof was finally right there in my front, taking my hands in his, I confirmed his existence; and the doubts? They vanished into thin air hurriedly like the gas my anus just emitted.
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