For Those Who Feel They Talk Too Much

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My scribbles from a three month old journal entry reads…

When you have externalities that the society you live in has enthroned as the standard for measuring beauty, and then you have an overwhelming intellectual faculty and you are spiritual or that kind of woman we say has timbre and calibre in her spirit; you come across as intimidating to people and in a bid to be accepted you constantly have to flatten your personality to accommodate the ‘insecurities’ of others that comes with processing that level of awesomeness.

It was my truth until I stumbled on, read and meditated on this quote.


It totally delivered and liberated me. As a woman who feels she talks too much, here are few lessons I have  learnt. You can apply some of these principles to your own ‘too much’ as well

1. Knowing when to speak and knowing when to keep quiet is a skill, it must be learnt.

2. People very rarely tell you when you’ve said something you shouldn’t. Trust your instincts.

3. Dimming your light so that someone else can feel comfortable is not humility. If everyone dimmed their light to make you feel comfortable, you won’t have any light to dim to make another person feel comfortable. Instead, pray that by shinning your light, it inspires and SPARKS up the light in others so that they too can learn to shine their light and be all that God has purposed them to be.

4. Emotional intelligence is a skill. Sniff before you talk. Observe and be aware of your environment.This is so very important. Realizing that you cast your pearls before swines can be very painful.

5. At times, feign ignorance. You know the truth, they know you know the truth, but resist the urge to say it especially when you know that person cannot handle it. The right words at the wrong timing can curse instead of bless.

6. In reiterating number 3; pray, that God helps you express your strengths in a way that speaks to and builds the strengths in others.

7. Your strengths should affirm people and not demean them. When people cannot relate to you because they feel you are all that and she won’t understand me, her reality is far removed from mine she will not get it…Two things:

i Clarify and explain, in cases where you know the person is worth the time. Some people sadly, are not worth the effort..

ii Just keep it moving, God will reach them through someone else.

8. Refuse to be shamed.
Truth is, most times you are oblivious you’ve said something you shouldn’t and the truth is it’s not your fault.

9. Some people are just insecure.
They see the world through the lens of their insecurities and inadequacies and this just distorts every message they get. So you say something like ‘I am on a purity journey, so I am not having sex outside of marriage.’
They immediately interpret this as

She is judging me, she shows off too much, so she’s holier now because she’s not having sex.
no, I can’t go to that place/see that movie, it’s kinda compromising
so people that frequent that place/watch that are?’

You try to reach out to them and they are shrinking back, they can’t ‘receive‘ from you because you are judgemental.
No, that is not judgemental, and you need to stop giving people the permission to do that to you.

When you speak your truth with the right motives, it is not judgemental.
Usually what happens is, your truth met with their insecurity and its convicting them. Your life is a walking conviction and the fact that you do life differently is just making them feel inadequate.

I won’t be shamed into silencing my truth or making apologies for it. I am not out to intimidate or judge anyone by my truth but I won’t go quiet either.

10. Who you are is enough. You do not have to minimize yourself for anybody.

12. People are insatiable, you can’t please them. After all said and done make sure you are not living for their approval.