The terms and conditions that comes with being a good girl is stifling me.
I need air.
I took the reins of my life off expectations and definitions and steered it in a direction that makes me breathe more calmly.
The fruit of that transition is: I no longer crave to be and do things that I do not want to do.
I no longer crave to laugh at things that are not funny to me, and feel odd because they do not.
I no longer give compliments I do not mean because it is expected of me.
I no longer shrink myself or make myself pliant to make others feel good.
I no longer desire to live up to a good that stifles my values and beliefs.
I no longer want to be good, I want to be me in all my complexities and without apologies.
I do not want my right for preferences stifled. I want to explore. Find different versions of me and test how they respond to the world.
I find that at times, to be good in the spaces that matter is to ‘prove’ and put up a sterling performance of why I qualify to gain entry into that space.
I have made peace with the realisation that I do not want to have to prove or be that kind of good and I do not want to matter in that space.
I only want to matter in places that I was born to matter, in places where my authenticity is perceived correctly.
More importantly, I want to matter in the places that matter to me, places where I can be. I do not necessarily have to do or prove, I just have to be.
I no longer aspire to possibilities that have no bearing with purpose because…”You are supposed to”,”It is what is expected of you”
I took the human equivalent of what poetic license is to literature — L I B E R T Y
I gave up moral fatigue, took freedom and clutched my values. All intact.
I took more responsibility for my own life and extended to others the permission to do same.
It is called emotional responsibility.
It is called audacity.
It is called adulting.