Correction, Criticism and Change

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I have a problem with the thinking that says, it is what you say, the corrections and criticisms you give that makes people change.

Correction works in two ways. You give it, the other person receives it. That you give correction does not mean the other person is obligated to receive it.

The same right you exercise in giving it out is the same right the other person has in turning it down.

So, do not get slighted when you see that people repeat what you criticized, they probably did not receive your criticism hence, did not ‘change’.

At times some people do ‘change’ but it isn’t what you said that made them change, it is the guilt and shame of having their ‘mess’ brought to the fore by you that makes them ‘change’.

They alter their behavior a little to suit current conditions & terms and later on they find themselves slipping again. You lash out, criticize, they alter their behavior, they slip again and the circle continues.

Shame and guilt are temporary catalysts for change. They can fuel change but they hardly sustain change.

Some other class of people have  learnt to rise above shame and guilt so your criticism may not do so much if it is coming with both.

Nothing fuels sustainable change  in humans other than love.

Love corrects, it does not criticize.

Some class of people are used to being criticized, when you bring correction on board, they are resistant.

They cannot tell the difference between the two because both sound alike at times. It takes a perceptive person to tell the difference between the two.

So, instead of responding to you, they  react to you. 

Correction is given not to humiliate you or make you feel less human but to make you realize that you can be and do better. Correction usually is done one on one, doesn’t expect an immediate change, is motivated by love and is willing to guide you along the way till you fully ‘get it’.

Criticism usually seeks an immediate response and depends on the weight of the guilt and embarrassment it comes with to help you change. Criticism has no respect for your feelings, is given to be taken whether you want it or not and usually is done in the presence of others.