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I grew up in an environment that defined wisdom as being exposed to the impure motive of others.

To be wise is to expect people to hate you, to weigh people’s words and find hidden meanings, to  expect disloyalty and betrayal.

We were praised for sniffing out things where there wasn’t, we were compensated with ‘you are wise’ for understanding the spiritual implications of wearing a dress inside out or for understanding that hitting your leg on a stone was evidence that temporary prosperity is just at the corner.

I wanted to be praised too. So, at 13 being wise was my everyday resolution and because living out this definition of wisdom didn’t come natural to me, it always felt like I was performing.

I also realised that this kind of wisdom just didn’t suit me. It didn’t matter how much I tried it just didn’t.  It was like wearing an oversized glasses and having to go through the stress of adjusting over and over whilst trying to appear in control in the presence of others .

A decade after,  I realise that there is an insidious paranoia that comes with that kind of wisdom. It makes you anticipate offenses, makes you resentful, bitter, and overly calculative.

You think those things that are not as if they were. You literally will people to project the fears and insecurities you have in your mind in real life.

You live life always looking over your shoulder to see who is trying to scam you or hurt you.

That kind of wisdom is naive and that naivety tampers with the purity of the mind.

Wisdom shouldn’t make you ugly on the inside. Wisdom should improve your life inside out.

I heard there was a kind-of wisdom available that was devoid of these emotional complications.

Like someone presented with multi choice options in an examination, I weeded out other alternatives and opted for it.

I opted for this kind of wisdom.

It allows my heart retain its purity and also schools me on how to handle conflicting situations.