Don’t Judge Her

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Watch that girl that has a compulsive need to be seen and a come back for everything.

Her presence is a continuous reminder that life is indeed littered with the ugly and the ugly comes at times with the prettiest of faces. You clearly cannot stand her and everything she stands for. You loathe her guts and you are eager to teach her a lesson or two.

I get it. However, i’d like you to process this differently and to do this, i’d like to submit this perspective for your consideration.

The good, the bad, the ugly comes in form of people & experiences. That you have chosen to be good doesn’t mean you will be perpetually compensated with good.

Honey, life is not fair and it owes you nothing.

You read that right, life owes you nothing and that includes kindness.

I know this girl irks you and you sincerely loathe her.

But here is the deal, loathing her doesn’t do anything in the grand scheme of things.

What she has going on on the inside is deeper than you can imagine.

The insecurities she is trying so hard to mask, the frailties she daily prays away are weights that numbs her soul and blinds her vision to the good that life sometimes can be.

There are layers and layers and more layers of hurt buried underneath that show of bravado.

Strength to her is skilled pretense and her long term pursuit is to turn that skill into an art.

A crazy thirst for validation drives this girl and if you look closely, you will see bits and embers of you in her.

Just like you, she grew up in a home where she was constantly compared to ‘the perfect child’.

Her parents didn’t understand that comparison is a language of abuse and when you constantly compare your child to her sibling or any one else, you are sending a message that reads ‘you are not enough to earn our approval’.

She watched ‘the perfect child’ soak in all the pride of her parents. Pride that was meant to be shared equally between siblings.

Her childhood was ruined with disappointed expectations. Her heart limp from wasted pursuits.

This girl you loathe and judge so harshly arrived at adulthood with nothing and in a bid to be enough, to fill this void, this emptiness that nags on her inside, she has to prove.

She has to prove to you and the world that she is worthy of being here. Being in this space reserved for people who have a special place in humanity.

Now that you have perspective, consider discarding the hard feelings you have towards her and choose to see her differently.

Choose what you want to see in her.

Anytime she disses you in front of that co-worker or throws you under the bus just to prove a point, pray for her.

Pray that her soul finds healing.

Pray that she discovers herself.

Pray that she finds who she is not in order to understand who she is.

Pray that she understands that people who know themselves do not struggle to be noticed.

Being noticed, often is a consequence of knowing who you are.

Pray for her.