For Those Who Are Grieving the loss of a loved one:
A. The pain never really stops, instead its intensity wanes with time.
B. ”I was 2 when my mother died, I had to brace up and pull myself together…”, ”Crying will not solve anything” Do not let anyone dismiss your pain.
C. ”Take heart”; ”You have to be strong…” Do not be pressured to put up a performance on strength for anyone.
D. Not everyone expresses grief by crying and that is valid. Refuse to be shamed for grieving differently. Experiencing grief is tough enough, do not let anyone pressure you to put up a performance.
E. There is a tendency to overcompensate for things when you are grieving. It is one of the coping mechanisms for pain. You start to beat yourself up for things you should have done that you didn’t do and things you did that you could have done better. Don’t. Don’t try to rationalize how your actions could have affected what happened. You do not have control over what has happened. You have control over how you respond to what has happened.
F. When you are grieving, life becomes blurry and your sense of judgement may trip from time to time. What is right and almost right might begin to look and sound the same. Do not make long term decisions relying solely on yourself during this time. Please don’t.
Before signing any document, making promises or receiving help, have trusted people who can help you proofread/offer useful counsel. Importantly, have a tribe that can hold you accountable to your values. If you don’t have a tribe, do not make decisions during this period in a hurry. Think, think and think again before making any decision that has long term consequences.
G. You will need a solid support system.
H. Talk therapy is okay.
I. Do not accept help from scorners no matter how genuine it looks.
J. You will be mad at God a lot. Inspite of this hurt, cling to Him. Clinging on some days may look like sitting still under the shower for minutes mouthing ”God help me…”
”Help me process this pain, it hurts a lot and I feel my heart ripping, I feel helplesss, it looks like you are far way from me. It looks like you have forsaken me. Help me make this make sense..”
”Help me pick myself up from this pain...”
”Let this pain make me run to you and not away from you…”
K. Take mental notes of your circle and how they respond to your pain. The strength & intgerity of your circle is revealed during adversities and victories.