On Having Kids

Image Credit: souvlakiforthesoul.com

“A therapist said if you self isolate when overwhelmed, you probably had to solve a lot of your problems alone as a child.” ~ Bri Hall (Twitter)

Many adults I know arrived at adulthood with nothing. We literally had to raise ourselves, break free from the trauma of being raised by parents who were also traumatized and didn’t know better when it came to raising kids.

We are products of recycled dysfunction and what dismantling toxic generational patterns will look like for us is healing. Healing mentally and handing over to our kids a healthy, psychologically safe home where they don’t have to grow up fast in order to solve problems they aren’t equipped for.

Being raised in a home where they are allowed to find Jesus at their own pace and are supported with love and prayers as opposed to learning about Jesus from a place of fear.

Readiness before having kids is an underrated conversation. Many of us are having kids because we are expected to and not because we are ready. The parameters for defining readiness is relative but a healthy perspective on the responsibility that comes with nurturing & raising another human needs to be encouraged. 

The pregnancy photoshoots, baby showers, newborn portraits are cute but if we are being completely honest, we can agree that having a child changes your entire life in a way only few things can. We may never attain a certain form of readiness because life really comes at us and being perfectly ready before doing anything might mean not doing anything at all. However, having kids just because we should without counting the cost & preparing for it requires more thought.

Digressing, a major reason some parents believe their kids should live out dreams and aspirations they couldn’t is because their ‘why’ for having kids didn’t stem from a place of conviction. It’s like a rite of passage, a ‘next step’ on the ‘what to do with your life’ manual.

God had to overhaul my mindset on having kids. It has taken me quite a while to attain a level of readiness He approves of and I am at peace with. I am in a better place mentally and I love how this readiness is from an informed place.

I still get occasional jitters but my ‘why’ reins me in and keeps me firm.